Adaptations (A Poem)

The human brain is cunning, it acquires you to pain

It can get you used to anything, even not quite being sane

I’m used to feeling tired but not getting any sleep

I’m used to reaching thousands when I’m trying to count sheep

I’m used to leaving parties when anxiety attacks

I’m used to calling parents just to hear a voice speak back

 After days of duvet cover, I’m used to tangling out my mane

And though I know I shouldn’t be, I’m kind of used to pain

Ross Lynn

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Breathing – Diary Extract 5

I don’t think people take into account, not how hard it is to study or to work with depression, or even to function with it. But the effort and energy required to merely exist. To wake up in the morning and say “All I have to do today is breathe and make no attempt to try and stop and if the sun goes down today and I’m still breathing, then I have succeeded”.

Ross Lynn

Thank you for reading. Find more of my writings on my instagram.

Depression is…

Recently I find myself battling with the idea that I’m facing a legitimate disease and have had to spend a considerate amount of time convincing myself and the world otherwise.  Trying to make them see that I’m not just lazily sitting pretty on my bed doing nothing.

Cause Depression isn’t pretty, it isn’t all red healed lines on white pale skin.

It isn’t an aesthetic.

It isn’t Tumblr worthy.

A lot of the times it’s just a residue of oily skin. It’s a break out of painful cysts on your face. It’s a deep deep hunger, where you keep eating even though the eating hurts, but the sensation of taste on your tongue is the only thing distracting you from the sensation of pain everywhere else.

It’s 50 missed calls on your phone, 100 unread emails, 10 undone assignments.

It’s a gap year, and then two, and then three , until you give up on calling it a break and it just becomes life.

It’s body odours and ashy skin.

It’s flooded apartments that can’t be bothered to be mopped up.

It’s hoodies, and jackets, and sneakers, a neutral uniform attempting to cover up what’s really going on inside.

It’s yelled out conversations with your mother

There aren’t 3 seasons.

You don’t join the 27 club.

You disjoin your own family.

It’s everything but your next mood.

It’s everything but a metaphor.

It’s a real actual disease.

And I wish people would actually see that

Ross Lynn

P.S I post a lot of my writing on Instagram, for more follow here.


Stop pulling on my fingers

Stop tugging on my braids

Quit breathing over me in sleep so all my lighting fades

Stop humming in my eardrums

Stop singing while I sleep

And telling me I have no right to sadness due to keep

There’s someone else who wants you

I’m sure she’ll understand

I’m sure she’ll love the melancholic tugging on her hand

So if you’d be so kindly

My light you should not take

Go find some other lonely girl’s depression to awake

Ross Lynn

Reasons to Cry

A lot of people I come across in my day to day life seem to think that depression is just crying a lot. And while that’s not even partially true, these days I do find myself crying a lot.

I cry because I feel sad and then I cry because I feel guilty for feeling sad.

I cry because I’m too tired to do my own dishes.

I cry because I’m too exhausted to go to class, and then I cry because I’m in the very small percentage of people whose parents can afford to pay for their education and I feel terribly ungrateful for wasting that

I cry because I can’t seem to get past the third page of the book I’m trying to read.

And then I cry because I don’t understand any of it.

I cry because even at my age I can’t seem to dispel myself of the myth that tragedy has the monopoly on pain. That the only issues worthy of tears are things like caskets and tumours and lives lost, as opposed to dysfunctional levels of serotonin, that the issues worth burdening your friends over are dying relationships, and cheating husbands and failing grades. Not the fact that , even at your age,  you are too tired to pour water onto a plate and scrub.